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Artwork for Exhausted, but Alive.

Exhausted, but Alive.

ft cald

A newsletter of personal essays about not listening to your body and doing anything you can just to feel alive.

Platform
Substack
PricingOnly free issuesPublishesWeekly
Issues11SubscribersRead ftcald.substack.com

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Latest Issues

Recent posts by this newsletter. Browse the email archive.

And Now We're Houses Pretending to Be Empty

There’s a silhouette of a moth’s carcass imprinted in my lampshade. I stare up at it: a tiny corpse cemented in a paper coffin dangling above my bed—withering wings haloed by a lightbulb’s gentle wrath. There’s a cavern in my gut, a lingeri...

12 days ago
32
4

On Mirrors

A nose sinking into a map of flesh; eye sockets writhing away from one another like enemies; a jaw clicking in strained efforts to unhinge itself; dark scars deepening like moon craters. Every feature rebelled against the perimeter of my fa...

a month ago
65
9

"Fuck it. I'm Choosing Thot Daughter."

Torn open by a liter of sake in the stairwell of my apartment building, Marley and I drifted into immaturity. “I’m Italian sober,” I let her know, “I only drink wine—and sake counts!” Being classy was a newfound value of mine that summer—ha...

a month ago
81
10

How Not to Kill Your Upstairs Neighbor

It was five months and seven hours into my lease, and my alarm clock hadn’t even woken yet. Everything was still that October morning, save for leaves dying off trees and my curtains billowing in the soft breath of the A/C. It was bliss, I ...

a month ago
75
23

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Authors

The writers behind this newsletter.

  • ft cald

    He moves mountains then pounds them to ground again.

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