Artwork for Lulubeans


laura hoenack

A story about the record store I owned, my husband’s suicide, and my brief stint in the top of OF. Records, music, pain and loss, dating, divorce that became widowhood, and an ocean of grief in the wake of incomprehensible loss.

PricingOnly free issuesPublishesTwice weekly

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Latest Issues

Recent posts by this newsletter. Browse the email archive.

growing magic

I just saw my first monarch. They’ve arrived! It makes my chest ache and my heart hurt. I miss my garden. I miss the person I was, the one who used to watch and watch and watch and wait and check the milkweed plants, just in case. Who used ...

19 days ago


Grieving is the loneliest thing I’ve ever done. There is no end. I’m not going in any particular direction. There is no happily ever after. There is no timeline, no hope that I will reach the end, dust myself off and call it finished. I ti...

22 days ago

When Im Gone

I looked at his laptop the day I went to the house after he died. I went immediately to his office and opened it. I wanted to know what the last thing he googled was. The screen came to life showing my letter, the one I wrote him detailing ...

a month ago

Star Wars

For my 40th birthday, I planned an elaborate theme party and invited nearly everyone I knew. It was 2022, people had finally gotten their vaccines and the world was beginning to open up again. It had been far too long since I had seen frien...

a month ago

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  • laura hoenack

    sunshine in a sundress \ud83e\udd0d widow extraordinaire

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