Here's Something
Eli GroberThis is Eli Grober's newsletter. Humor that's part catharsis, part diagnosis, often funny, frequently critical, and always something.
| Platform |  | Pricing | Freemium | Publishes | Twice weekly |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Issues | 328 | Founded | 6 years ago | Last Issue | 2 months ago |
| Active | |||||
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eligrober.substack.comLatest Issues
March 21, 2026
We’ve officially won the war we’re currently and indefinitely fighting
I am proud to announce that we have won the war—the one we’re fighting right now, indefinitely. We have declared victory, which will help morale during the next few...
February 25, 2026
My fellow Americans, we are richer than ever before. Well, you aren’t, but we are.
My fellow Americans, I stand before you tonight to make one thing very clear: we are richer than ever before. You aren’t, of course. But we are. My frien...
February 12, 2026
How to prevent war and win at peace
“My proudest legacy will be that of a peacemaker and unifier.” — Donald Trump, 2025 Inaugural Address
So, you want to be remembered as a peacemaker and unifier. Congratulations on setting small, mana...
January 26, 2026
A poem I wrote this weekend. From Maine, in solidarity.
Neighbors
Eli Grober
They killed your neighbor yesterday
or maybe the day before.
They took another one away
while he was working at the store.
They put your neighbor in a c...
January 24, 2026
Last year, I wrote a piece for The New Yorker that mocked the (very real) ICE recruitment ads I’d started to see online. The ones based on the WWII Uncle Sam “I Want You!” posters.
It’s time for more.
Here is an ongoing collection of ICE...
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| Subscribers | Engagement | 74 | Monthly Web Visits | ||
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| Accepts Sponsors | Estimated Cost per Ad | ||||
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Authors
The writers behind this newsletter.
Longtime contributor to The New Yorker and McSweeney's. Author of This Won't Help. Tired.
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