Normal London Bloke
NLB| Platform |  | Pricing | Only free issues | Publishes | Twice weekly |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Issues | 56 | Founded | a year ago | Last Issue | 6 days ago |
| Active | |||||
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normallondonbloke.substack.comLatest Issues
Analysing England’s 2026 World Cup Squad on Whether They Would Eat a Worm
I must confess that I didn’t quite come up with this idea. The question belongs to the wormist school of thought, a niche but well respected philosophical movement founded some years ago by Joel Golby when he was writing for Vice. Vice has...
The only theory of British democracy that matters now is the fuckability index
Like all great things in life, this story starts with a lesbian and a martini.
“Andy Burnham’s quite fuckable, isn’t he.”
“Sorry?” I reply.
“It’s an industry term. Means a person might want to fuck him.”
“I don’t follow.”
“Like Blai...
A quick lesson on Thai food in London
We all know what Thai food is, don’t we? Yeah, of course. Pad Thai, yum yum. Great, so tell me what’s in it. Well.. It’s got, um, noodles in it, hasn’t it? Flat ones, sort of tanned and tangled, like the aftermath of a shoelace orgy. And pr...
Coffee, Enemas, and the Only Decent Cup in London
You know what separates us from the apes? No, it’s not the clothes, the tools, or our silly little hierarchical social groups. It’s not the sordid extramarital affairs either - chimpanzees worked those out years ago. No. We make a hot drink...
How to spend your Bank Holiday Monday
Alright, quick quiz. Where on earth is the single most diverse place for plants? Three, two, one... shout it out.
Well played to everyone who yelled “The Amazon.” You’re all wrong.
The right answer, obviously, is Kew Gardens.
As you’ve p...
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Authors
The writers behind this newsletter.
Londoner at large, failing raconteur, satirist and online insane person
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