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Ongalo's Substack

Ongalo Glenn

The best is yet to come

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Substack
PricingOnly free issuesPublishesDaily
Issues147Founded7 months agoLast Issue5 days ago
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Latest Issues

Wamama wa Ploti

Listen, before I even start, you need to understand one thing about wamama wa ploti. These women do not need Safaricom. They do not need Faiba. They do not need Starlink. Their network is faster than 5G and works even when KPLC has done us...

5 days ago
26
1

SURVIVING USHAGO

Listen. Going ushago is not travel. It is not vacation. It is not a “weekend getaway” the way Instagram girls describe Naivasha. Going ushago is a tactical military operation that requires planning, prayer, paranoia, and at least one bottle...

5 days ago
52
3

Babe hata sijakuambia...

Those four words. Those four cursed, beautiful, blessed words. The moment they leave her mouth, my guy, you better put your phone down, abandon the FIFA match, push the plate of pilau slightly to the side, and assume the position. Because w...

6 days ago
275
19

The Gospel According To Simps

Hi, pull up a chair. Order yourself a dawa at your local spot (yes, the one where everyone is “having a quick meeting” but is actually there to stalk their ex’s new boo three tables down). We need to have a sit down about this thing called...

6 days ago
119
12

Mteja Wa Nambari Uliyopiga

It is 2:47 PM. The chips are getting cold.

I made them myself. From scratch. Like a man. Like a man who knew that today, today of all days, was different. Today she said she was coming. Today she said, and I quote, “babe nitakam tu, nitumi...

7 days ago
119
26

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