Golden Bloomer
Melissa RodriguezGarden humor for anyone who has ever spent three months growing a tomato the squirrel ate in three seconds.
| Platform |  | Pricing | Only free issues | Publishes | Weekly |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Issues | 17 | Founded | a year ago | Last Issue | 5 days ago |
| Active | |||||
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goldenbloomer.substack.comLatest Issues
Companion
For four years I have gardened with my dog, and it was a decision, not an accident.
Left in the house, Alita stands at the window and works on the blinds. I’ve seen the price blinds. So she comes out with me, and I knew what I was buying....
Severe
Four months, every other day. The eggplant has never once been included.
For four months I’ve watered this garden every other day, in the evening, out of cans and off the hose. If I miss the evening, I go out the next morning. There is no...
Occupancy
Six raised beds and counting. The ridge is new.
They arrived from the neighbor’s side of the yard in the spring of 2025.
First I didn’t notice. Then I didn’t want to notice. Then one morning I opened the front door and nearly put my foot...
Overwintering
The rake gets the hooks. The hoe gets the corner.
The rake hangs on two hooks in a shed that used to be a chicken coop. I wanted my space back, so I built the chickens a new house. That’s a different column.
The rake hangs where the roost...
Establishing
The crape myrtle went into the tree line in 2010, and I would like it on the record that I knew what I was doing.
I have been gardening since I was five. I know what a crape myrtle wants. It wants sun — all of it, all day, the entire ratio...
Audience Metrics
Subscribers, engagement, traffic and sponsorship for Golden Bloomer.
| Subscribers | Engagement | 60 | Monthly Web Visits | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Accepts Sponsors | Estimated Cost per Ad | ||||
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Authors
The writers behind this newsletter.
Fifty years of gardening and a bed by the driveway that has never grown a thing. Aspiring Proverbs 31 woman. Her candle doesn't go out by night. Mine goes out around 8:30.
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