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The Crank

The Crank combines caustic cultural analysis with a penchant for plastic hair every Monday

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Substack
PricingOnly free issuesPublishesWeekly
Issues64Foundeda year agoLast Issue4 days ago
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Latest Issues

The Crank turns one year old. Here's what you need to know.

I am a big believer that birthdays should be like second weddings: short, sweet, and probably involving a potluck. I am wary of the expectation they push onto you - to laugh and smile, two of my most hated activities - and tend to keep them...

4 days ago
24
9

You're asking the wrong questions about Callum Turner's dystopian rom-com

One Night Only is a movie that has prompted a lot of questions. Why? How? And most importantly, what was Universal on when they gave this garbage the green light?

When trapped in a sex dystopia, your priority is to make goo-goo eyes at men...

7 days ago
50
9

Enunciate or die, pop singers

In school, my brother once got picked for a poetry recital competition. His coach was a tight, squat man who would burst across the empty classroom, demanding another go-around. “I won’t care about what you’re saying until I can hear what y...

14 days ago
32
3

Did the Minions crucify Jesus?

Released this month, Minions and Monsters sees our beloved banana-yellow overlords summoning eldritch beings and navigating Hollywood. I look forward to watching it in two years’ time on a long-haul flight when I can’t sleep.

If this guy e...

21 days ago
68
7

Does Hollywood finally understand The Odyssey? Sort of

When I first heard that Christopher Nolan was working on an adaptation of Homer’s Odyssey, I shuddered. I thought of Troy, Wolfgang Peterson’s blindly action-packed retelling of The Iliad; I thought of vague blade-swinging and swashbuckling...

a month ago
25

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  • The Crank

    When the world turns to unhelpful slop, turn to The Crank - the only niche online publication that combines fake hair with caustic cultural analysis. Originality is dead - and you need a washed-up drag hag to tell you exactly how to think.

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