Uncensored columns from an exiled newspaper man.
| Platform |  | Pricing | Only free issues | Publishes | Daily |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Issues | 670 | Founded | 3 years ago | Last Issue | 4 days ago |
| Active | |||||
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paragraphstacker.substack.comLatest Issues
FINNEY’S 5: Seniors’ plans for life after Social Security
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Turn AARP into the nation’s most powerful crime family, smuggling Canadian prescription medicines — mainly whiskey.
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Those old enough to remember Mad as a print magazine to adopt Alfred E. Neuman’s slogan: “What? Me worry?”
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Mo...
FINNEY’S 5: Shocking facts revealed about Optimus Prime
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Gives surprisingly gentle hugs for a sentient mechanical being 32 feet tall and weighing 9,480 pounds.
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Nice-guy image took a hit when he destroyed a Schenectady, New York, McDonald’s drive-thru after learning the ice cream machine...
FINNEY’S 5: How to celebrate the first day of fall
1. Slather yourself in buttercream and roll in a silo of pumpkin spice.
2. The autumnal equinox is traditionally the day Chicago Bears fans give up their Super Bowl dreams.
3. Tell the kids that back in your day, the ice cream shops cl...
FINNEY’S 5: Other Trump rules for White House press corps
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New York Times correspondents may only ask questions in the voice of Scooby-Doo.
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All female correspondents must dance in provided go-go cages for the duration of press briefings.
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Clark Kent and Lois Lane from the liberal rag...
FINNEY’S 5: Ways we celebrated World Batman Day
1. Teach your students onomatopoeia with clips from the 1966 “Batman” TV series.
2. Insist on putting the word “Bat” before everything: BatMinivan, BatToaster and BatBeer.
3. Avoid buying the replica utility belt from the 1989 movie if...
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Authors
The writers behind this newsletter.
DANIEL P. FINNEY teaches middle school English. He stacked paragraphs in piles, short and tall, during a 27-year newspaper career.
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