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The Paragraph Stacker

Daniel P. Finney
Hundreds of paid subscribers

Uncensored columns from an exiled newspaper man.

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Substack
PricingOnly free issuesPublishesDaily
Issues684Founded3 years agoLast Issue3 days ago
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Latest Issues

FINNEY’S 5: Best things about a potential Brewers sweep of the Dodgers

  1. Yankees fans will spend at least a day hearing about their 3-0 collapse against the Red Sox in 2004.

  2. A Brewers World Series trip will get people nostalgic for 1982 — until Gen X fans realize that was 44 years ago and they feel every...

3 days ago
7

FINNEY’S 5: Why Finney was passed over for White House press secretary — again

  1. Great speaker, highly knowledgeable, totally loyal — looks terrible in the skirt and heels.

  2. Having been a member of the press for 27 years, shows maybe a little too much contempt for the media.

  3. Put White House screening commi...

4 days ago
10
4

FINNEY’S 5: Reasons to bandwagon the Milwaukee Brewers

  1. If the Brewers win the World Series, Miller Lite will bring back those “Tastes Great! Less Filling!” commercials from the ’70s and ’80s.

  2. Milwaukee’s obesity rate is roughly the same as Des Moines’ — and it’s always good to see fat...

5 days ago
5

FINNEY’S 5: Promises Iowa gubernatorial candidates should be making instead of the crap in their ads

  1. In my administration, all meetings will be emails.

  2. First act upon being sworn in: Invade Nebraska.

  3. Offer the largest tax incentive package in state history to the Super Friends to build the Hall of Justice in Des Moines.

4...

6 days ago
6

FINNEY’S 5: Job titles the U.S. government needs besides an AI czar

  1. Czar of USB Connector Standardization

  2. Shahanshah of Extending Milk Expiration Dates

  3. Grand Pooh-Bah of Check Engine Light Warning Specificity

  4. Mystic Honcho of Big and Tall Price Gouging Control

  5. Exalted Shaman of Hy...

8 days ago
8

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  • Daniel P. Finney

    DANIEL P. FINNEY teaches middle school English. He stacked paragraphs in piles, short and tall, during a 27-year newspaper career.

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