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ThoughtsByNikki

Nikki Dontcheva

Welcome to the Chaos: Figuring It Out One Horrible Day at a Time

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Substack
PricingFreemiumPublishesTwice weekly
Issues69Founded2 years agoLast Issue3 months ago
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Latest Issues

It Feels Like I'm Dying

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Nobody tells you that when you leave everything you once knew behind, it can feel almost like you’re dying.

Because a part of you is.

An old shell. An old life. The girl you used to be.

The last time I felt grief like this was when...

3 months ago
5
2

It Took Me 10 Years to See

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It’s strange how childhood glows in hindsight.
Everything washed in green. Lawns damp from sprinklers, scraped knees, cicadas humming through summer afternoons that felt endless. Laughter without an echo. Firsts that did not yet know...

6 months ago
4

Half My Mom Is Floating in Lake Michigan

How can so much go wrong in a row? At this point, my life’s less “unlucky” and more “performance art.” Every week is a new episode of “What Fresh Hell Is This,” immediately followed by me laughing way too hard at something that absolutely s...

7 months ago
2
3

The One in the Elsewhere

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Why do you taste so sweet,
not like sugar,
but like the soft glow of a memory
pressed into the tongue of a life
I can’t quite remember living?

You appear draped in a black coat,
the color of warm breath against winter air,...

7 months ago
1

Can You Masturbate Too Much?

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ThoughtsByNikki is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I was in therapy today, going through my usual dopamine audit: TikTok, Instagram, doomscrolling,...

7 months ago
5
3

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  • Nikki Dontcheva

    I’m a walking empathy sponge. And my diet? A mix of turbulent emotions and questionable choices. The point is: I'm an aspiring storyteller and living proof that chaos fuels creativity.

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