Worthless Trash
Archer ParquetteJust a little trash from my desk to yours. Jokes, books, movies, possum hygiene tips, etc.
| Platform |  | Pricing | Only free issues | Publishes | Weekly |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Issues | 130 | Founded | 5 years ago | Last Issue | 4 days ago |
| Active | |||||
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archerparquette.substack.comLatest Issues
Maxing Out Your Social Quotient With Saucy Andre
A few Saturdays ago, I was tearing up the dance floor at the club, making fools of my enemies, inspiring both jealousy and lust in equal measure with my every move.
“Saucy Andre,” they all said. (That’s what the people call me in the stree...
A Wuss’ Crash Course in Exposure Therapy
I’d like to tell you I’m a brave man. I’d like to open this column with my feats of remarkable courage—like that time I stole my uncle’s remote so he couldn’t turn the volume on the news up to 9 billion decibels again—but that would be dish...
The Night of the Smiley Face Fireworks
We were under siege. People surrounded us, the block teeming with writhing bodies. The night was so dark I couldn’t tell friend from foe, as our car rumbled over broken asphalt. The hollers of my enemies echoed over distant explosions and r...
The Saga of Don Archero
In the summer of ’08, I went a little crazy.
(Don’t worry, it was just a little bit—not like the summer of ’15 with the Potato Purée Pop-Up incident, which shall never be spoken of again.)
That summer of ’08, I was twelve years old, and t...
A Sole Story
Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story of those shoes skilled in all ways of contending, the soles, harried for years on end.
This is going to be a tough column for me. I don’t normally get too vulnerable here at Worthless Trash...
Key Facts
Audience Metrics
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| Subscribers | Engagement | 78 | Monthly Web Visits | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Accepts Sponsors | Estimated Cost per Ad | ||||
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| #200 |
Authors
The writers behind this newsletter.
I write Worthless Trash, a Substack of the highest imaginable quality. It’s mostly humor, books, movies – the occasional discussion of possum care.
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