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Ye Olde Tyme News

Jan Lionsnest

Confound thy turnips.

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PricingFreemiumPublishesTwice weekly
Issues390Founded5 years agoLast Issue3 months ago
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yeoldetymenews.com
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Latest Issues

I Trust That Our Witch Hunters Will Only Burn Witches at the Stake in Self-Defence

The look of a man thou cannest trust. (Wikimedia Commons)

An op-ed by Balthasar Nórn, Witchhunter

The Kingdom hath been in uproar of late following the burning at the stake of what some people claim were legally-practicing witches operati...

3 months ago
12
1

Kingdom's Return-to-Orifice (RTO) Policy Has Peasants Asking 'Why?' and 'In Which Orifice?'

Peasants preparing their orifices for RTO (Source: Ms. Lat. 33)

His Majesty The King hath decreed that, effective immediately, all commoners shall return to their orifices any objects that had previously been removed.

“Hear ye! Hear ye! A...

4 months ago
13
8

Ye Opinion: This Tariff on Slaves Will Create More Jobs for Our Slaves Here at Home

This is the future we can have. (Wikimedia Commons)

There hath been much buzz in the Kingdom of late about His Majesty’s decision to place tariffs on a number of durable goods, chief amongst them slaves.

The King’s detractors argue that...

a year ago
16
3

‘Tis Not Fair That Fools Get Their Own Holiday But I, A Wiseman, Get Nothing

‘Tis tyme to institute All Wisemen’s Day. (Viktor Vasnetsov, Wikimedia Commons)

By Erwygge the Wise

Despite my great wisdom as one of the Kingdom’s most renowned and serious Wiseman, I enjoy a hearty jest as much as the next fellow. Indee...

a year ago
19
8

How to Downsize Thy Fief With Only a Minor Risk of Causing a Peasant Revolt

Firing these fools doth not have to cause a rebellion.

Efficiency beeth the word of the day. From the Northlands all the way to the Nether Realm, lords are seeking ways to cut down on costs to fund much needed ne’erending blood feuds again...

a year ago
31
7

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  • Jan Lionsnest

    Medieval scribe. Scrivener-in-Chief of medieval satire at Ye Olde Tyme News. Contributor at Duffel Blog as Cat Astronaut.

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